Thoughtfulness means showing careful consideration or attention. I am among many people who value this trait.
Unfortunately some of us regard thoughtfulness so highly we overthink every decision. This is a less useful characteristic.
It keeps us stuck in place under the guise of being contemplative. Eventually one has to make a decision and do something.
I’m not advocating that we all become such complete free spirits that we let the world take us where it may without ever thinking things through. Avoiding thoughtfulness has its drawbacks also.
When we just let life happen without any attempt to influence the outcome we can also end up making no forward progress.
I say this out of love and from experience – Both overthinking and lack of thoughtfulness end up being cop outs when it comes to actually achieving a goal.
When I was unhappy practicing medicine, I initially chose the lack of thoughtfulness route. I prayed nonspecific prayers about figuring out what would make me happy and kind of left it to divine intervention.
Surely God wanted me to have joy so he would guide me directly into the exactly proper situation to bring me satisfaction in my life and career. I had put my circumstances in the hands of the Almighty so I thought my work was done.
All I had to do was wait for that Burning Bush experience that would clearly designate what my next step was to be. Ironically, it never occurred to me that going with the flow and waiting for signs was exactly what landed me in the unfulfilling situation in the first place.
Had I been more thoughtful in my everyday life I would have paid attention to the little signs constantly telling me to make a change. Instead I just kept maintaining my suboptimal existence without a clear sense of what I wanted.
I convinced myself that thinking of ways to take control of the situation was somehow a failure of faith. Waiting for my destiny to be spelled out explicitly had to be more aligned with getting what was meant for me.
In retrospect, it was a cop out because I was afraid of making a wrong decision and/or disappointing people who I respected.
I chose not to be thoughtful because that would have given me too much responsibility over my own life.
Once I finally realized I had to give some thought to what I actually wanted from my life I swung completely to the overthinking end of the spectrum. I would perseverate over every potential move in my professional life.
Considering every option, making pro/con lists, and discussing possibilities with friends made me feel like I was actually accomplishing something. In reality I was going through the motions without making any progress.
When I transition from thoughtfulness into overthinking it’s usually a sign that I’m trying to talk myself into something I think I SHOULD want. There’s some theoretically good idea that I’m not quite sold on.
It’s like the commitment-phobes who date incessantly and say they can’t find the right partner. Or the out-of-shape people who meticulously research fitness DVDs and workout gear and never find the perfect exercise to start actually doing.
It’s essentially busy work that doesn’t get us further towards the stated intended result. Our minds get so occupied with superficial considerations we ignore the core issues.
We overthinkers are great at sampling, considering and investigating without ever obligating ourselves to anything. We hide our fear of being decisive under the cloak of being careful.
Whether it’s eschewing it altogether or taking it to the extreme, any time our approach to being thoughtful is motivated by fear we hinder our ability to make good decisions. We keep ourselves stuck.
Thoughtfulness is valuable when we apply it appropriately. It allows us to consider how the truly important things in life affect us and those who mean something to us.
This consideration helps us make decisions that bring the sense of peace we all seek. That’s why, no matter how busy we are, being thoughtful is an essential part of a fulfilling life.
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
