I am naturally curious. Learning new things about people and the world energizes my mind. I also do my best to be intentionally kind. Historically, leading with kindness has been the best way for me to maintain my spiritual well-being. Over the past few years, I’ve found it increasingly challenging to have my curiosity fuel my kindness.
Firstly, there is a lot of information about random people and institutions in the world that is disappointing and upsetting. The anger and sadness that result from feeding my curiosity with news rarely form a great foundation for my kind acts. I generally have to process the disturbing data and then move to a productive, positive next step.
We also live in a world now where interpersonal queries are used as a springboard for critique and coercion more than for kindness. Whether it’s a discussion of politics or the enjoyment of mindless entertainment, more and more people behave like TV detectives looking for an opening to take down the validity of another person’s narrative. Behaving like everything is a life-or-death debate makes people more defensive and closed off at baseline. While some issues are significant, we have to be able to acknowledge when stuff is not that deep.
I prefer to use questions as a means of connection and support. In all aspects of my personal and professional life, I do my best to use my curiosity as a method to be kind rather than belittle. I know I can’t stand when a question about my life is used as an opening to tell me how I’m doing it wrong and/or need to be doing something else entirely.
When I ask how you are doing, it is because I care. When I ask what you have going on, it is to encourage you to keep at it. When I ask if you need help, it is so I can assist with whatever resources I have.
One thing is clear to me from many of the conversations I have with strangers at all stages of life and career. Not enough of us are experiencing this manner of kindness in our lives. A simple, non-judgmental chat can be so unexpected and appreciated, especially by traditionally high achieving folks.
This type of kindness doesn’t have to be how you engage everyone. I would suggest it is beneficial for it to be how you interact with someone. My work as a coach gives me a built-in method for using my curiosity to fuel kindness. Though it takes more intention now, I am grateful for the regular reminder to bring that same energy to all aspects of my life.
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
