Establishing a sense of stability is quintessential grown up stuff. It’s what helps you and others know you are no longer a kid. The challenge is getting there while maintaining a youthful sense of flexibility and courage.
How do young professionals successfully transition into being confidently grounded in life without getting so weighted down they are scared to move? How do you distinguish between being secure and being stuck? These are important adulting questions we often neglect to ask.
For me, being secure is defined by stability with an ability to grow. Security gives me the foundation I need to feel safe as I stretch up and out into new things. It’s like having a solid root system.
On the other hand, when I am stuck I have no room to move. The perceived safety of the situation comes from being static, like a well-packed box. I am reluctant to take on something new for fear of disrupting the whole system.
It takes some trials and tweaks for most of us to figure out where we feel most comfortable on that stuck to secure continuum. Having transitioned from the rigid traditionalism of the healthcare field into the relative Wild West of entrepreneurism has taught me a lot about how stability looks and feels for me.
During this process I have learned to rely on my Five Essential Strengths. The freedom I have to express each of them in any relationship or experience let’s me know if I’m secure or stuck.
1 – See Reality
Any circumstance that requires me to lie to myself to make it work is not a place of genuine security. A truly safe space won’t need me to contort obvious data to convince myself it’s right for me. When I can be honest with myself about what is truly happening and still feel good about being there, I feel secure.
2 – Seek Clarity
My warning sign for being stuck is convincing myself to accept what I don’t want because I think my ideal is unrealistic. Feeling compelled to talk myself out of wanting what I clearly know is better comes from a lack of security.
No situation is champagne and roses every day, because life. When I feel secure, I am comfortable allowing myself to have a clear vision of and desire for what the optimal version would be.
3 – Seize Priorities
Taking an unconventional path in my life has required me to be honest and clear about my priorities. When I am secure, I am able to honor them.
At baseline, any meaningful situation for me has to bring both a sense of peace and an element of challenge. Being so concerned about peace I’m afraid to take on a challenge usually means I’ve allowed myself to get stuck.
4 – Strategize Possibilities
I think we miss a lot of opportunities in life because we don’t believe they exist. We aren’t looking for them, so they pass us by. When the people and circumstances in my life allow me to recognize and implement the appropriate potential strategies for thriving, I’m secure.
5 – Sustain Personal Self Care Policies
When I let my self care policies slip, it’s typically because I feel stuck adhering to someone else’s agenda. Security is when I have the confidence to put boundaries in place that allow me to make self care a fundamental part of any life experience. Otherwise, I’m allowing someone else to establish the parameters that govern my well-being.
You may notice authentic stability is always paired with openness for me. Being closed off to ideas or opportunities doesn’t feel secure. It feels like fear.
My particular version of stable adult life won’t work for everyone. Thank God, because we need diversity in this world. What stifles me may ground you. An exciting opportunity to you may seem reckless to me. The beauty is the difference doesn’t matter.
We often function as though there is a long list of people who need to co-sign on our endeavors. Not really. Ignoring the superfluous masses and vocal critics, I encourage you to consider how genuine stability looks and feels for you. Are you truly secure or stuck?
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
