On the morning of April 21, 2016 Prince Rogers Nelson died at his home in Minnesota. I spend a lot of time thinking about love and the effect it has on individuals and their relationships. It only made sense that after Prince died I thought about what I’ve learned about love from him.
I’ve previously discussed the principles I learned from Prince’s life. Now I want to share what has become clearer to me since his death.
When anyone dies there is usually a general consensus among those affected to do more to show people love while they are still living. Prince’s death made me want to take that idea a step further. I want to be more mindful of how I show my loved ones they are loved.
Be willing to be inconvenienced to make memories.
After Prince’s death, I noticed several people across my Facebook feed commenting that they never had the chance to see him live in concert. After decades of missing Prince performances myself, last summer I decided I was going to do what I had to do to see his concert in DC.
Both showtimes sold out almost immediately, so I scouted tickets on resale sites for days in order to attend his 11 pm Sunday show. Though I am middle-aged and I had to work on Monday, attending that late night 3 hour show was totally worth it!
There are plenty of musical artists who do not rate my loss of sleep, free time and money. For Prince, I decided that was why God gave me coffee and a work-from-home job.
Now that Prince is gone, I am thankful that I made it a priority to create the memory of seeing him perform live.
There are so many activities that we think we can catch next time or when we have more time. Eventually, the people with whom we want to share them may no longer be available. Sometimes making powerful memories requires making an extra effort right now.
We live in a society where we are all super busy with a lot of important endeavors. Planning a weekend getaway or even a family dinner can be a hassle. Schedules must be coordinated and funds appropriately allocated to make it happen.
However, doing what needs to be done shows we prioritize the activities and people we want as part of our lasting memories. When we don’t have clear priorities, we default to giving everything and everyone the same level of significance. This essentially makes nothing and no one truly special.
How do we show our loved ones where they rank in our lives? For whom do we carve out time versus squeeze them into the gaps in our schedules? Are we willing to be inconvenienced to show our love?
It is important to do our best to let our loved ones recognize their significance to us while they are with us. Eventually life separates many of us, by distance or by death. Rather than regretting what I wish we had done together, I want to be able to look back fondly on how much joy we shared.
Appreciate the little things.
Once the news was confirmed that Prince really had died, his fans dug deep into the internet to find any trace of live performances or recordings to share online. Every store that carried Prince movies or music was sold out in days. Folks were decorating themselves and lighting civic monuments with his favorite color.
We wanted any little reminder of and connection to the great talent we had lost.
It made me consider how much we treasure the little things that connect us to the individuals who are currently in our lives. Most of us interact with people every day in offices, coffee shops and our homes. Those interactions only lead to true connection when we are intentional about how we approach them.
Connections are made by being mindful of the nature of our interactions. This is especially true when it comes to the people we see the most. It is totally possible to have daily conversations with friends or even significant others that don’t strengthen our ties.
When the process is perfunctory rather than purposeful, we tend to drift apart instead of getting closer. We have to savor the moments rather than go through the motions.
The daily grind sets us up to make little irritations more prominent in our minds than the small instances of joy we share with others every day. On the contrary, being mindful of what a blessing it is to hear a loved one’s voice or see their smiles spurs us to express our appreciation for them.
Are we appreciative of hugs, smiles and kind words when they occur? Do we reciprocate with any acknowledgment at all? How do our loved ones know these moments mean something to us?
Whether it’s a small annoyance or a large grievance, it is human nature to want someone to know when they have displeased us. We will often use as many different modalities as necessary to get our feelings of dissatisfaction across to them until we are sure they get it.
Prince’s death has reinforced to me how important it is to be just as intentional and unrelenting with my expressions of love and gratitude.
My main lesson from Prince’s death is to make sure the people I love know I love them, in whatever way is meaningful to them. Sometimes a quick text may do the trick. Other times a handwritten note, a hug or a special date is appropriate. When all else fails, a simple sincerely spoken “I love you” and “Thank you” is usually a good place to start.
No matter what the method, I want to be sure that there is no doubt in any one of their minds that “love’s too weak to define, just what you mean to me.”
Did you enjoy this article? Sign up here to have blog updates and regular self care tips delivered directly to your inbox.
If you would like help developing the self care strategies that allow you to display love consistently, please click here to request an Essence of Strength clarity coaching conversation.
Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
Excellent observations. I think we make too many unimportant things “important” and they overpower what’s *actually* important in our lives. It’s time to go back to basics. Self-care, connecting with loved ones and communal minds on a regular basis, learning something new every single day, and appreciating creativity and artistry in whatever form – this is what’s really “important” these days!
I totally agree. The biggest obstacle most of us seem to face is making the time to figure out what is important to us. We get so busy with the doing that we don’t reflect on how that is affecting our state of being. When we give time to what is truly important to us our level of busyness usually supports our well-being.