By nature I am not an oversharer. If anything I tend to keep my personal business completely to myself. However, I do not feel I can adequately convey the message I want to share without exposing myself a bit. That is why I am about to put my medical history on blast all over the interwebs.
In December I had major abdominal surgery to remove fibroids from my uterus. Because I am an obstetrician-gynecologist by training, I knew way too much about what was going to happen. It was quite a challenge to not be “that patient”.
The one thing I requested was some sort of visual representation of what my diseased organ looked like. Because we live in the 21st century and I had surgery at a hospital where I used to work, I was able to obtain an actual photo.
It surprised me how disturbed I was by the appearance of my pre-surgical uterus. It was a nightmare!
As I reflected on the fact I had strongly considered deferring surgery or not having it at all, I determined my uterus was a metaphor for my life. I have a self-limiting habit of convincing myself horrible things are not that bad.
While staring at the photo of my fibroids I made a decision not to let that happen anymore. In more ways than one 2014 was going to be New Year New Uterus.
Here is what the process of preparing for and recovering from that procedure taught me about being true to myself.
Sometimes you have to choose the best of all the bad times. As an independent contractor, taking a prolonged leave of absence from work is never an easy choice. If I do not work, I do not get paid.
Unfortunately, there was not a way for me to receive appropriate treatment for my fibroids without taking at least one month off. I had to pick a time, and December was the least bad.
In many areas of the life, there is not always going to be a good time to make a necessary move. In fact, every change is going to come at a bad time for someone involved.
Waiting for the best time is one way we responsible types camouflage procrastination. Sometimes we just have to make the hard choice now and allow everything to fall in place after that.
It can be tough in the immediate aftermath of a right decision. Every good decision does not reap immediate benefits.
For instance, I like to exercise. The circumstances of my recovery were such that it was around two months before I got back to working out. It only takes about two weeks for the body to lose fitness conditioning.
My first post-op run was one of the more uncomfortable workouts I have had in recent memory. There was literally a burning sensation in my chest for the first five minutes of jogging.
It was a reminder I had made a decision for my overall health that caused a short-term negative impact on my conditioning. I knew it was reversible, but it was quite awful in the moment.
The important thing is knowing I can work through it and get back to a comfortable level. The new perspective I have on coming back to fitness from medical leave also helps me to be a better personal trainer.
Preventing a limited period of discomfort is not a legitimate excuse to avoid making the correct choices for our lives. If we allow it, the education we get from those tough times only serves to improve us.
Ignoring obvious signs may be hampering your ability to fulfill your intended purpose. By design the uterus is meant to be a womb that gestates offspring.
I did not have my surgery with the expressed intention of preparing my body for child-bearing. However, finally treating my fibroid symptoms made my uterus a much less hostile environment for any embryo that may reside there in the future.
I have cared for plenty of women who had fibroids and babies without issues, but pregnancy tends to be easier when the uterine wall is not housing numerous golf balls.
Downplaying my medical signs and symptoms was just the latest in a lifetime of rationalizing bad feelings. Ignoring the significance of those signs can keep us from moving on to the satisfying and fulfilling existence we are meant to have.
When you make a tough decision other people will be scared on your behalf. In their own loving ways, lots of people expressed their nervousness about my potential for post-operative complications.
Of all the concerns I had with regard to my operation, medical misfortune was not particularly high on the list. I was confident God had a plan that would work out for the best.
Since others’ worries were manifestations of their experiences not mine, I chose not to embrace them as my own.
It reminded me of when I decided to stop practicing medicine. While I found the decision to be remarkably liberating, many people in my life were worried about all the impending badness.
I could sense them trying not to freak out as they mentally calculated how I would maintain my mortgage, my school loans, and my prestige without a “doctor job”.
I had to learn to respect their opinions but not be unduly influenced by them. The fact I was not scared by an objectively scary situation helped me to know I was making the right call.
When we make choices that are honest and authentic, we can be fearless.
My motto for 2014 is “New Year New Uterus”.
I never want to allow myself to get to the old uterus state again so I keep a copy of it on my phone. It is a reminder to me of what can happen if I maintain the status quo when a change needs to be made.
It is not always necessary to know exactly what the result of a decision will be. The important thing is honoring the instinct to make the decision in the first place.
Here’s wishing you all NYNU!
If you would like help developing strategies to maintain your own wellness, please click here to request an Essence of Strength sample coaching conversation.
Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
