It may seem obvious that it’s important to know what you want in life. However a lot of us get to a place where we don’t.
Usually the journey starts with a clear destination. Somewhere along the way we either get sidetracked or we realize we don’t really want to be where we were going.
That is totally fine. It happens. For me, the problem arises when I don’t get a handle on what I want from this new situation.
My conscious mind has to figure out what my spirit needs. Otherwise, I constantly complain about my circumstances. I’m unsatisfied but I’m unsure what else I truly want.
Usually, there are a few reasons I am reluctant to clarify my wants, even when I know it is important information:
I think it’s selfish.
Even if I have a good sense of what I want in my life, sometimes I hesitate to take steps to make it a reality if it seems too self-centered.
Conditioning over the years has taught me it is selfish to focus on what pleases me. How can I possibly be a properly benevolent obstetrician if I’m prioritizing rest and good nutrition when there are babies to be delivered?
The irony is ignoring those priorities just makes me drone on about being tired and hungry. That is hardly a selfless act.
True selfishness is using my lack of self-care as an excuse to be unpleasant. When I set my life up the way that I want, I’m less likely to become grumpy from constant fatigue, hunger and overscheduling.
Determining what I want out of life helps me to be fair, honest and loving. I keep the big picture in mind so I don’t get selfish in the moment.
It takes time and energy.
Despite Disney and Madison Avenue conspiring to convince me my perfect life will suddenly appear with little or no effort on my part, I know that isn’t true. I actually have to do something.
The first step is figuring out what I want. That requires setting aside time and having enough energy for it to be a thoughtful process.
I’ve gone significant periods in my life erroneously convinced I’m doing what I want. The daily grind kept me too tired and busy to stop and think about it. When I finally slowed down I recognized I wasn’t really happy with the situation.
The key is to be intentional and regular. If I only assess my life when I’m in crisis my brain takes shortcuts down a negative path. I focus on what I don’t want. That keeps me stuck on the now instead of moving me forward.
Personally, I process best through journaling. Putting my thoughts in writing helps me determine what I’m really thinking without censoring my ideas for someone else’s consumption.
Tossing ideas off someone else as a sounding board can also be helpful. In the best case scenario this person has my greatest interest and not any particular outcome in mind.
Regardless of the method I choose, I have to put in time and energy to come away with a clear idea of what I want.
I don’t really believe I can get what I want.
In this case, I try to keep my mind from thinking about what I want because I don’t believe it’s possible. This brings up two issues.
First, I am but a simple human so I don’t know all that is possible in this vast universe. If I don’t ever think about it, I’ll never know.
Second, there is benefit in considering what are perceived as ludicrous possibilities. Rarely is an idea completely without merit.
I may not have a personal gourmet vegan chef now, but knowing I want one gives me important information about how I prioritize my time and nutrition. I can make changes in my current life to incorporate aspects of what appeals about that impossible idea.
When all is said and done, my spirit knows what is important to me even if my conscious mind hasn’t realized it yet. It behooves me to get the two on the same page if I want to get the most out of my own life.
What’s keeping you from what you want? Are you even sure of what it is?
If you would like help getting clarity on what it is you want, please click here to request an Essence of Strength sample coaching conversation.
Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
