I killed Superwoman. It had to happen and I have no remorse. Either she was going down or I was, so I decided that chick had to go.
Despite her Madison Avenue level of positive marketing I knew the truth about Superwoman. Her entire purpose for being was to set me up for disappointment, guilt and misery.
She sucked me into her impossible standards and did nothing to assist me in achieving them. In fact, when I did clear the heights she simply raised the bar. She was a scourge on my life and my psyche.
Some might think that I could have simply implemented a firm break-up and let her go on her way. I’ve tried and failed with that approach in the past. She just lurked until she saw an opening to infiltrate and overtake my life again. She had to be gone…FOREVER.
For those of you judging my decision I’ll share my rationale for taking her out in the manner that I did. She wanted my life and here are the reasons that was a completely unacceptable option to me.
She gives the deceptive appearance of being a lovely lady. The problem is Superwoman is a farce. Everything that is good about her is what is judged from the outside.
She is the model of a very capable and accomplished modern woman. She makes sure family members, co-workers, and customers are well cared for. She is always dressed to the nines. She gets stuff done.
She is also miserable because being so externally focused on her achievements and day-to-day tasks prevents her from assessing her own well-being. She doesn’t even know how proper well-being looks.
I refused to go along with the charade.
She thinks that because she CAN it means that she HAS TO or has to WANT TO. I will totally give Superwoman props for being productive. She will work the mess out of her own to-do list then move on to help you with yours. Unfortunately she lacks the discernment to identify where the best places are to apply her manifold skills.
She is ruled by “should”. If someone asks her to do something that means someone thinks she is capable. Someone thinking she is capable means she should be willing or excited to do it, even if her spirit is vetoing it. She is not familiar with the concept of “No” for no’s sake.
I have learned that “No” is a complete sentence.
She fails to utilize all the resources available to her. When Superwoman takes on a responsibility she feels compelled to do it all herself. She views the delegation of tasks as a set-up to be let down or perceived as incompetent by others.
She doesn’t trust the people around her to be good enough. She also wants to prove to her peers that she has every situation handled. This backfires when she spreads herself so thin the most important aspects of her life get slighted.
I am a firm believer in outsourcing when appropriate.
She values DOING to the point of devaluing BEING. Superwoman can give you a keynote speech on the benefits of getting things done. Employers are satisfied. Households run smoothly. Kids attend the best schools. Clothes fit well on a toned body. Everything looks good.
She is less able to give many thoughts on the essential elements of well-being. If you ask her “How do you know that you feel good?” there will be radio silence.
This was my biggest problem with Superwoman.
I know how to run myself ragged getting things done. I’ve been doing it my whole life – as a STEM undergraduate student, a practicing ob/gyn, and even as a personal trainer.
I need a running partner who offers me help on the well-being side. Superwoman had nothing for me. In fact, she encouraged me to feel bad about wanting to feel good.
Once I got clear on how to support my self care efforts I realized everything about Superwoman stood in conflict with it. She didn’t serve me. I really don’t believe she serves anyone well.
Now I can honestly say I didn’t just put the cape away. She’s dead to me.
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
