One the most challenging parts of my recovery from an adult life of pathological altruism is successfully releasing the struggle narrative. As a black woman who is the child of immigrants to the USA, there is a lingering subconscious belief my cultural heritage requires struggle to be part of my story. It takes work for me to know how to embrace challenge while rejecting unnecessary struggle. Here are a few ways I do so.
Know the difference between a challenge and a struggle.
This has been one of the hardest things for me to distinguish as an entrepreneur coming from the world of clinical medicine. As a practicing physician, I had a renewable annual pass for the struggle bus. While it wasn’t comfortable, it was familiar.
It was also logistically simpler to lean into that manner of nonsense when my daily schedule was determined by others. Now that I work for myself, it is more important for me to be mindful of how my daily tasks impact my energy and ability to design and execute my overall vision.
For me, a challenge can be exhausting and still fulfilling. Working harder actually bears the fruit of progress on my intended goals. In contrast, a struggle wears me out and moves me nowhere.
Know how to transform a debilitating struggle into a rewarding challenge.
For most of my life, my standard operating procedure when something wasn’t yielding the desired outcome was to work harder at what I was already doing. If that didn’t improve the situation, I assumed there was a deficiency in my ability to achieve the result. However, because I’m not a quitter, I’d just double down on the thing that clearly wasn’t working and feel terrible about myself.
That is neither a healthy nor a productive approach to a challenge. In fact, that level of struggle can tempt me to question the appropriateness of my goal when I simply need to change my approach. Over the past decade or so, I’ve gotten better at discerning when struggle is a sign I need to alter my execution rather than abandon my intention.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is how the most effective modifications to my strategies bring them into better alignment with my personal priorities and values. Whether it’s an unsuccessful marketing campaign or a dysfunctional dating relationship, small meaningful tweaks are more impactful than huge generic efforts.
Know when the best strategy against struggle is easing off.
“Do less” is a phrase with which I have had to become comfortable. My life has been ever-transitioning as I’ve found my footing away from clinical medicine. Transition brings a lot of new opportunities that can easily overwhelm and turn perfectly achievable challenges into spirit-crushing struggles.
The problem is usually not that the intention or execution is flawed. It’s that I’m doing too much, too soon and all at once. When I notice I’m grinding for a result, doing less is often the best first strategy.
A slight downshift can give me space to breathe and assess the struggle. Sometimes, allowing myself that grace lets me notice I’m actually making progress simply by doing less and doing it well. Other times, I recognize what kind of assistance I need to get over the hump when I get going full out again.
As contrary as it is to my nature and the popular “hustle harder” mentality, chilling out a bit can be exactly what I need to move forward. Knowing when to employ that strategy to maximum effect is what lets me successfully take on challenges without struggling.
Though I have been known to backslide into the familiarity of struggle mode, I’ve learned to be resilient against its hold. When I’m tempted to resign myself to the soul-sucking nature of an endeavor for the sake of my gender or ethnicity, I have to remember being equipped for a challenge doesn’t means I am destined to struggle indefinitely. On the contrary, I believe I’m more inspiring as a model than a martyr. That’s the mindset that best serves my community and promotes my success.
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
