There are Five Essential Strengths I believe are necessary for individuals to exhibit on a regular basis in order to be sustainably successful and satisfied in life. The number one strength is being able to see reality. In my experience, personally and in working with clients, this strength is often the one that needs the most work.

We lie to ourselves a lot. These aren’t huge lies on the face of them. They are the little lies we tell to support a narrative we have accepted. Unfortunately, those little lies can have big consequences when they keep us from honestly addressing issues that need improvement.

There are three categories of lies I see most often holding people back from being their best selves.

Situations

There are people I know whose default answer when asked to assess anything is some version of “It’s not bad.” In my opinion, if your point of reference for goodness is badness, you are already in an improper headspace to get your best.

If you are simply looking to be better than bad, you can talk yourself into thinking any circumstance is OK. I’m all for finding the positive wherever you are. I also believe in being honest so you know if you want to stay there. This distinction is what allows you to take action for improvement.

When you are scared to desire good lest you notice how terrible things really are, you maintain an anesthetized status quo. The aware person says, “This place is hot mess. I’ve tolerated worse.” The numbed person simply says, “I’ve tolerated worse.”

That first person will get out. The second person will buy property there.

Priorities

One of my favorite exercises to do with folks during our complimentary clarity conversations is prioritizing twelve life areas. It’s interesting to see when there is a disconnect between the life areas where they put the most mental energy and the areas they actually deem most important.

Initially, there is often a lot of angst about career and money. However, when we get down to identifying priorities, personal development, family and health usually get the top spots. While career and money are usually in the top half, they rarely make the podium positions.

The conflict between what areas are truly important to high achieving professionals and what society expects to be important holds a lot of people back from being their best in any of them. It’s rewarding to help people recognize that prioritizing their actual priorities may bring the satisfaction and success they seek in all areas of their lives.

Intentions

The final big little lie a lot of us tell ourselves is around true intentions. While I hate to quote social media memes, I must say this one is a classic – A goal without a plan is a wish.

Many of us talk about our wishes as though they are our intentions. In reality, we take no action toward achieving them and treat them like unrealistic fantasies.

This intention deception usually happens when we acknowledge an untenable situation and are clueless about how to make it better. We have a dream scenario at the ready to share with anyone who asks about our current suboptimal circumstance. We just have no real process to get from here to there.

Anyone who knows me can tell you I am a huge proponent of dreaming big. My philosophy is to be optimistic with WHAT you want to do and be realistic in HOW you are going to do it.

When people don’t achieve their big dreams they often think it is because the goals were too lofty. In my experience, it tends to be less about the size of the dream than the intentionality of the process. Having the vision alone will not bring it to fruition. You have to be deliberate in the process of manifesting an intention to reality.

I invite you to consider if you are telling yourself any of these big little lies about situations, priorities or intentions. How might they be hindering you living your best life? What do you need to do to make seeing reality an essential strength in your life?

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If you would like help getting clear on how to see reality in a way that helps you live your best life please click here to request an Essence of Strength complimentary clarity conversation.

Dr Jattu Senesie is a physician satisfaction specialist, self care advocate, coach, speaker and retired obstetrician-gynecologist. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.