Girl, it’s a set up. I find myself telling women friends, mentees and clients some version of this statement pretty regularly. You see women have a slippery slope to navigate in the professional world. It’s a fine balance between exhibiting clear competence and inviting overwhelming duties.
I’m not even suggesting it is an intentional set up when people flood amazing women with their requests. It is natural to want to involve individuals who produce great results in as many projects as possible. Thus, when we prove ourselves to be excellent, we risk getting “honored” into doing far too much.
I know this issue isn’t isolated to women. I do know it is very prevalent among the high achieving women I know personally. The patriarchal manner in which society is set up only feeds into the tendency for women to feel obliged to answer yes when asked to do all the things. No one wants to be pegged as setting back the gender in the personal or professional realms.
In my experience, the three main reasons people do what seems like too much are as follows:
Feeding Hubris.
When you feel like others are finally recognizing how fabulous you’ve always thought you were, it is tempting to take on all the responsibilities they throw your way. You want to prove you can do whatever they give you, so getting numerous requests feeds your ego.
Masking Insecurity.
If there is any concern that your presence in a professional situation is the result of undue consideration, you can feel like a fraud. That lack of comfort in your own skin can confuse you into thinking it makes sense to do everything people want to put on your plate.
Aligning with Overall Purpose and Current Priorities.
In my opinion, this is best reason for doing anything. When you have a strong sense of your fundamental purpose in life and your priorities in the current circumstances, you are actually able to feed your spirit with tasks that keep you remarkably busy.
There will often be some element of pride or insecurity in many decisions. The key is for that not to be the driver. You can choose to chair the prestigious committee that both looks great on your CV and advances the issues that mean most to you right now. You can also decline the board membership for that organization that is doing honorable work in an area that doesn’t align with your current priorities.
By all means, ladies, continue to shine. Simply be aware your light can invite attention which requires you to know how to honor your schedule, energy and priorities. That’s how you avoid the set up.
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
