Ever since I started doing my current line of work I have struggled to explain it. When I say I’m a coach I get a mix of confused stares and suppressed eye rolls. People don’t really know what that is or how that works.
Then I thought it may be clearer to present myself as a self care educator. I do teach groups and individuals how to implement principles that allow them to take better care of themselves. However, folks sometimes get the impression that I am going to give them a fool-proof syllabus on how to build a happy life. It’s not that simple.
What I’ve realized over time is that I’m probably most accurately described as a self care advocate. Advocates bring attention to issues that many folks may not even know are a thing. That’s precisely why I coach and write and speak.
The people on whom I’ve bestowed my advocacy are my fellow altruistic overachievers (AOAs). These are folks who want to change the world with the work they do and feel compelled to get as many degrees and certifications as they deem necessary to prepare them to do so.
Being an AOA self care advocate is tricky. Often neither society nor the AOAs themselves recognize that they have an issue regarding self care. As one who knows the subject personally there are three truths I’d like to share with everyone about the AOAs’ struggle for self care.
The struggle is real. The struggle is worth it. Everyone’s struggle manifests differently.
When most of the world hears AOAs grumble about their lives they truly don’t get it. Well-educated professionals who are being of service to their communities are the models of what we want in our society. If you are also a woman who happens to have a life partner and some children, folks really want to hear none of your angst.
I’m here to say that AOAs don’t always have it going as well as it seems on the surface. Yes, we do willingly make the investments to achieve these situations we think we want. Some of us even earn really good salaries. The problem arises when our chosen endeavors don’t bring about the happy reality we anticipated when we started.
In some cases, a situation meets the criteria for the challenge we seek and falls short on the fulfillment we expect from meeting that challenge. Because we feel that the general public can’t relate to this struggle, AOAs are reluctant to mention it. This silence doesn’t help resolve the problem and it camouflages the fact it exists.
In other instances, we spend so much time getting things done for others (at work, at home, at church, etc) that we overlook the self care necessary to maintain our own well-being in the midst of it all. Self care seems like a luxury we don’t deserve. When we spend our days helping individuals with dire social and medical issues, it can seem petty to verbalize any displeasure at the state of our own lives.
Even when we do see the need for it, many AOAs consider self care to be an investment we can’t afford right now in terms of time, energy or money. We don’t always trust that creating space for self care will actually improve our lives so we’d rather put it off or just skip it altogether.
Here’s the thing. We have to realize that self care doesn’t start at a spa or a gym. It starts with honestly evaluating our lives. Self care is about giving priority to what brings a sense of well-being in all areas of our lives every day.
Because everyone’s personal struggle is different, everyone’s solution also will be unique. What constitutes self care for me may be totally opposite to what brings you an authentic sense of well-being. That’s OK.
As an AOA self care advocate I invite you to answer this question:
How will my life and the lives of those around me be affected when I accept that the self care struggle is real, worthwhile and completely unique for every person?
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
