Lately, I have been thinking a lot about partnerships. From government to community, business to dating, I have seen a lot of partnerships under strain this year.
What these dysfunctional associations underscore is the ability of successful partnerships make life better.
I got the best education on how to be a good partner from working as an obstetrician. Teaming with hundreds of women of various backgrounds and personalities for about forty weeks at a time forces a person to develop relationship skills.
The main thing I learned from obstetrics is that the key to working in concert with other people is clarity of commitment, communication and compromise.
How committed are each of us to achieving a mutual goal? How do I communicate most effectively with my partner? What practices am I willing to compromise to maintain this partnership?
The basis for any successful partnership has to be a mutual commitment to a common purpose. If we aren’t on the same page in terms of what we want from the collaboration, that’s a set-up for badness.
Generally, patients and I agreed that our main goal was a healthy mom and baby at the end of the pregnancy. Occasionally our partnerships would hit shaky ground when that common purpose got obscured by some external issue.
That’s when effective communication became important. There is often a lot of talking without actually communicating in partnerships. The crucial aspect is the comprehension, not just the jabbering.
Because my patients ranged from overwhelmed teenagers to over-educated PhDs, I had to adjust my communication style depending on the particular partner. Once we expressed our respective points it was necessary to figure out if a compromise could be reached to achieve our common purpose.
When it comes to compromise, there is usually a matter of principle versus preference. There are a lot of practices in life, including in medicine, that are as much about preference as principle.
While I am a proponent of doing the things you want in life, I also recognize that preferences change all the time. They are often more a function of familiarity than anything else.
Unwillingness to compromise because “I’ve always done it this way” tends not to be an appealing partner trait.
My personal philosophy is openness to changing a practice if it doesn’t conflict with a strongly held principle. Folks respect my principles and appreciate my flexibility.
One important partnership lesson I did NOT get from obstetrics was how to negotiate closure.
How does continuing this partnership help us achieve our goals more so than bringing it to a close?
Mercifully, pregnancies are time-limited so nature tells us when to go our separate ways. However in most partnerships, someone has to call it.
This is simple when a stated goal has been reached and the partnership is no longer necessary. More often however, there is the challenge of identifying when the level of commitment, communication or compromise will not sustain continued successful collaboration.
This requires some honest reflection in order to make difficult decisions. When we are clear what constitutes proper commitment, communication and compromise for us, we are more comfortable closing the door on a partnership that is no longer purposeful.
There are many factors that go into developing strong partnerships. I have noticed that regardless of how well-aligned most of those factors appear, the foundation for successful alliances in all realms of life comes back to commitment, communication and compromise.
As we go through life partnering to build strong communities, companies and families, it is beneficial to keep that in mind. The world is full of examples of what happens when we forget.
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
