The world is full of people seeking balance. I say hooey to balance. A more achievable goal is congruence in one’s life.
By definition, congruence means in agreement or harmony. A congruent life consists of having our actions sync up with our beliefs.
Two key components to a congruent life are honesty and self-assurance. We have to be OK acknowledging both the deep-seated fears and the unconventional desires we have.
The fears are not meant to be embraced and reinforced. Rather they must be identified and addressed in order to accomplish the most important things in life.
A lot of times we opt to deny or dodge our fears in the hopes that out of sight is out of mind.
Unfortunately, life is interconnected in such a way that unfounded fears in one area often turn into beliefs that limit our progress in another area.
We have to be honest to be whole.
I have struggled with this issue personally.
When I first decided to be a life coach I was a still a bit ashamed of leaving medicine.
My overachiever mindset had spent years convincing me that I had to do “serious” work with the gifts I had been given and the skills I had obtained.
At the very least I thought I should do something to justify my degrees and to prove to my friends and family that I’m not a flake.
However, instead of acknowledging and getting past my limiting belief about coaching as a profession I moved my focus externally.
When I spoke to groups or prospective clients I discussed my intention to help others find the strength to stand firm in their potentially unconventional life choices.
That was true.
However, I neglected to be honest with myself that I wasn’t feeling totally confident in my own decision to leave a secure, if unsatisfying, existence for life as an entrepreneur.
At the time, I wondered why I didn’t have tons of clients beating down my door. In my opinion, my services were clearly needed.
The answer was simple.
If I wasn’t confident in my own decision how could I expect others to seek my guidance to follow a similar path.
Even though my message was honest on the surface, it was not congruent with how I was feeling deep inside.
I recognized I was not as self-assured as I wanted to be around consistently living my life in a way that is aligned with my God-given purpose.
I had to get beyond just knowing in my head that I had made the right decision for myself. I genuinely have to accept my life if I want others to do the same.
In order for life to be congruent we must embrace the reality and not just the theory.
Nowadays if I have an area where I feel like I am putting forth great energy without equivalent returns, there is usually some aspect of incongruence in my life.
When that occurs I take an honest look at where my beliefs may not be supporting my behavior.
Usually, there either has to be a change in a limiting belief or a change in inconsistent behavior.
The biggest thing I learned from this experience early in my coaching career is that the more comfortable we are in our own skin the more congruent our actions are with our beliefs.
It’s fine to be boisterous or bookish as long as the behavior is authentic. Being something that you are not is exhausting.
Being congruent allows there to be effort without being constantly drained because mind, body and spirit are in harmony.
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Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
