It might sound counterintuitive but a lot of us fail to take our own lives as personally as we should. What I mean is we spend so much time thinking about others that we skip over ourselves.
This is a problem. In order to move toward a consistent state of well-being we need to get a handle on self-determination.
We need to check in with ourselves regularly in order to maintain self-care. I’m not advocating that everyone becomes self-involved and inconsiderate. Rather, I’m suggesting we ask ourselves at least once every day, “What would make me happy right now?”
Often, we spend so much time contemplating how our decisions affect others that we don’t make space to figure out what we want for ourselves. When we don’t have a clear idea of our own desires, it becomes simpler just to build our lives around the perceived expectations of others.
While there are many individuals whose opinions and needs influence our behavior, those who usually hold the most sway are parents and children. I would argue these people should be our main inspirations for self-care rather than impediments to it.
Let’s break this down:
PARENTS
I am fortunate that I never felt like I had to live up to some ideal in order to earn my parents’ approval. Likewise, they were blessed that I am a perfectionist who usually wants to do stuff that falls into the category of parent-approved activity.
When I decided to go rogue with my career, I knew it would throw them for a loop. However, I didn’t let that stop me from making the best decision for my well-being.
I love my parents dearly. I’ve always done my best to keep my decisions from bringing them undue stress. However, I recognized pretty early on that my life is not theirs.
The choices I make may impact them, but never as greatly as they do me. We all want me to be happy so I just keep that in mind. If that is not true for you, I would argue that is even more reason to put your desires ahead of theirs.
KIDS
Let me preface this section with the disclaimer that I have no children. That being said, I know a lot of moms who exchange their well-being for their kids’ needs. I really believe there is room for both.
Although I’m not a mom, I am a child. I’ve always felt secure in my parents’ love, and they definitely didn’t design their whole lives around me. Though I may be biased, I think I turned out OK.
What I’ve learned from watching some amazing moms is to be present and pleasant for the consequential stuff. All things in life don’t have the same significance. When we aren’t clear on what really is important to us, we get worked up over whatever is in front of us at the moment. This is how meltdowns over cupcakes for school birthday parties occur.
As an ob/gyn I have seen many mothers struggle to transition from being responsible for themselves to caring for the most precious gift on earth. It’s hard! I have nothing but respect for the job.
However, I’ve seen the shift in focus swing so far to the baby side that some women never figure out how to bring it back to a reasonable balance. Because perfect balance doesn’t exist, being mindful of what does bring joy is that much more important.
By no means am I suggesting we ignore our responsibilities to our families. I’m simply encouraging us all to keep ourselves in view when taking the picture of the significant people in our lives. The path to personal well-being requires that perspective.
Does your life reflect your priorities? Are you taking your own opinion into account when making decisions?
If you would like help getting started with self care, please click here to request an Essence of Strength sample coaching conversation.
Dr Jattu Senesie is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, certified success coach, physician satisfaction specialist and speaker. She blogs about issues of self care and well-being in an effort to help her fellow altruistic high achievers find satisfaction in their success as early in their careers as possible.
